Why Malala Yousafzai Should Not Win the Nobel Prize

Malala

Because we won’t be able to take it. We can barely take the nomination; if she were to actually be awarded the prize, some sort of bhook hartaal and tire burning and fatwa screaming would likely ensue. As a country, we fucking hate Malala Yousafzai.

In my misguided quest to let every voice be heard and attempt to engage whoever I’m talking to in civilized discourse – regardless of how unfortunate their beliefs may be – I’ve run into many a Malala hater from all walks of life. I’d say there are more people who hate Malala over here than Justin Bieber. That in itself points to how twisted things have gotten.

After all, she is a 16 year old CIA super-soldier, right? She hasn’t actually done anything for peace, it’s all one big drama, the whole shooting her in the face thing was staged by the CIA at the same Hollywood studio where the moon landing ‘happened’, she’s too young to be giving speeches in the UN and winning Nobel prizes, she’s Pakistani for fuck’s sake, nothing good ever happens to us. This is obviously some plan hatched by the West of which Malala is either an active evil 16 year old agent or an innocent 16 year old puppet.

But why would they do this?

Well it’s obvious, isn’t it. They want to control the Muslim masses, and the best way to do that is by controlling what our children are taught, and the first step to doing that is to create a champion from amongst us, someone they nominated and who will carry out their bidding, but someone who we can stand behind and support, a pawn in this cosmic game of crusader chess which the West plays against us fine Muslim people.

Okay, aside from the simple fact that it’ll be easier to pay some corrupt moustache than to groom teen champions, how about the work she did before being picked up by the foreigners? How about her slightly disfigured face after the shooting and therapy? How about the Taliban leader’s letter which is testament to their shooting her? How about the fact that she may finally be a voice of our own representing our interests, since God knows our ‘leaders’ have long since stopped representing anyone but themselves? Shouldn’t we at least give this kid a chance?

Nope. This is the era of Photoshop baby, anyone can be made to look disfigured. And why did she leave for England after being shot in the face, why didn’t she stay in her country if she loves it so much? And why her? Why not the hundreds of other kids who died in drone strikes? Why aren’t they being given Nobel prizes, why Malala?

What does one have to do with the other?

Infidel! Heathen! Bewakoof! <insert mother-sister curses here> ! RAWR!

And so it goes.

This is all too common, and if it weren’t so tragic it would be funny. Somehow a person sitting in District Upper Whogivesashit Pakistan has knowledge of the long term plans of the CIA. He has some manner of ESP or telepathy, he is fucking Morpheus, or of course the trusted mothers-sisters-bhateeja’s-in-law’s-cousin who works in the ISI has made him privy to certain information. Bottom line is Malala sucks. And sometimes they won’t even bother with backstory. Sometimes no justification is presented, except for emotion and emphasis as some clown says “I HATE Malala, fucking drama,” as he gobbles one more samosa and farts.

As with most things, it’s all in our heads. We’ve become so pessimistic as a people that the potential good of any event is drowned out in the concocted potential evils which could maybe ensue somewhere in the future. We’ve stopped trusting anything in an attempt to keep ourselves safe. Like ostrich-people, we burrow our heads that much deeper in the sand, not realizing that this makes our asses stick out that much higher in the air.

Okay fine, suppose there is a 5% chance that she is indeed a superspy. That still leaves a 95% chance that she isn’t. Shouldn’t we be focusing on that? Even if the percentages were reversed, shouldn’t we at least in part be focusing on the positives? This blanket baseless denigration, this maligning of her character and her motives without any sort of basis in reality helps no one.

But the simple truth is that we’ve come to see everyone on the planet as scumbags in what can best be described as good ol’ fashioned projection. Obviously Malala is trying to steal our cow. The alternative explanation; that a highly intelligent and gutsy little 15 year old Pathan girl stood up to the Taliban, was shot in the face for her troubles, survived, and now continues to fight the good fight while the rest of our sit around with our thumbs up our asses, just doesn’t jive, man. We believe that we suck in our heads. Any external evidence provided to the contrary, especially by the Fahaash, harami West, must be contrived. It can’t possibly be true; sitting around with our thumbs up our asses has simply gotten too comfortable.

By the way, here is what Malala thinks when she hears about your utter bullshit.

I guess my main reason for not wanting you to win is selfish, Malala. Simply put, if you win, it’ll be conspiracy conversation galore for a spell, and I fear for my sanity. I guess I’m just not as strong as you, and it’s just a matter of time before I put a fist through some ostrichman’s face.

In seriousness though, if I can get past my issues, I hope you do win. The Nobel prize may not mean much anymore, yet having a Pakistani be the youngest winner ever will be awesome. Especially someone as amazing as you. But yours’ is a unique battle; you are going to try to save a people that don’t want to be saved, especially by you. You will face adversity the likes of which you haven’t seen before. Much like our other Nobel prize winner, you will be hated by millions. Because you are different, because you are better, because you rose above, you will be hated. But you are brave and wise beyond your years, beyond your people, beyond most people, and I have no doubt that you will find a way. I support you wholeheartedly kiddo, you are the first Pakistani in a while who has made me proud to belong to this land, and if that makes me a bewakoof chawwal burger insaan according to these clowns, I wear that mantle with pride.

God bless you Malala. You have the makings of a hardcore feminist, but I still love and support you.

 

 

 

[EDIT: Absolutely floored by the traction this post has gotten. Thank you. It seems that many people feel the same way – and that makes me hopeful. Much love, even to the ostriches out there.]

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45 thoughts on “Why Malala Yousafzai Should Not Win the Nobel Prize

  1. Great read and it conveys my sentiments exactly. I was shocked to see the true ugly faces of some parhey likhay jaahil colleagues and friends last year soon after my poor sister Malala’s near-death encounter. I’m talking cream of the crop boys and gals from LUMS, Bahria, NUST etc (thankfully no GIKI alums :D). Such conspiracy theorists and people living in denial is the reason the Taliban assholes are flourishing and killing us. It would all change in a matter of days if these Zaliman started attacking and murdering people in Punjab.

    Regardless, I am likewise proud of Malala Yousafzai and her parents as well. I am proud that she recuperated in the same hospital where I was born a long time ago, Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham. I am proud of the confidence with which she champions a universal right of all children, Pakistani and worldwide: education. And I am pissed off with the frequent load-shedding which has curtailed my efforts thus far in downloading her extended interview on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Ah well, at least I got to see the Metallica interview and live set on The Colbert Report πŸ˜€

    Great job once again Omar G πŸ™‚ God bless you!

  2. I confess i could barely contain the bile that rose up when i first came across the title of your blog, and i was all-prepared to leave some choice remarks for you. But, kudos! You echoed my sensibilities and sentiments exactly. Pakistanis have become a nation of losers, because they chose to be losers. They hate the West not because because of the “uryani” and “fahashi,” but because God does not seem too inclined to strike them down for their “uryani” and “fahashi” – and they keep happily and successfully moving on, while Pakistanis grow ever more resentful and bitter.

  3. Malala doesn’t deserve peace prize because she has done nothing to earn it, who is more deserving? Vladimir Putin who Saved the world from another U.S Invasion, and talking about someone from Pakistan who deserve more recognition for his effort is Abdul Sattar Eidhi sahab, come on man no one even takes his name. And well the drama of Malala is another soap opera of our time, well if Obama has won the Nobel prize why not malala, Rehmam Malik got Honor y PhD than Nobel is not a Big deal.

    • I’m not agains her at all, I’m against the US double standards, the way they are killing thousands and suddenly supporting one Malala makes US a supporter of children’s education…!!
      Hypocrites…!!

    • Lolololo was that meant to be a joke, or are you some kind of communists jihadist anti USA freak? Seriously, you speak like a Marxist historian, making the evil look good and the good look evil. Putin is fucking evil, you idiot he is a dictator who will stop at nothing to become ultimate ruler!!

      Ghat, are you Indian or are you inexplicably dumb?

  4. Absolutely outstanding. You have conveyed in words what I have been feeling for a long time but could not express adequately due to epileptic fits of rage. Keep up the good work!

  5. OMG! I love, love, LOVE this post! You totally hit the nail on the head! So much raw truth in every single line. Thank you so much for writing this. It was much needed! I’ll be sure to share this on every single social site I’m on. Much kudos!

  6. You just conveyed everyone’s sentiments, probably on both sides of this baseles conspiracy debate. No one can imagine bieng shot at, and that too, on your face. She survived it!

    All who are advocating the conspiracies against her cannot stand like her with conviction against a force with arsenal. All they can stand for is their deluded versions of religions.
    Its also because no one guideth them. The politicos and fundos both need a crowd of uncultured, uncivilized, uncooth crowd of mindless fools. And the educated dont stop them and dont even stand like Malala.

  7. Very well written. And exactly what has been going on in my head. I know what you mean, i have been sooooo irritated by the stupid comments i have been reading about her. It is pathetically sad, and the only hope is reading from the other side. For even though there are many pagals amongst us there are some sane ones too. Allah ka shukar hai! Thank you so much for writing this!

  8. Pakistan’s youngest Nobel nominee… For what?? Getting shot in the face and head from like 6 feet, and still being able to make it perfectly fine in 2 months!!!!…

    Taliban is USA’s puppet so whatever they do or say is indirectly linked to USA…

  9. While I can understand that a lot of negativity directed at Malala Yousafzai might not be merited, I still, actually, do believe that she should not get the Nobel Peace Prize for one single reason alone, what has she personally, physically done that has bettered the circumstances of her peers at home? What is the grand total of all the efforts she’s put in towards humanitarianism?

    Now compare her with someone of Abdul Sattar Edhi’s calibre. Months, years and decades of concrete, physical, tangible efforts towards the betterment of mankind should go ignored in favour of a 16 year old who wrote emails to the BBC and kept a blog?

    I’m sorry but while your article is very lucid in the delivery of its message; it contributes little else to the over-all debate. That’s my two cents.

    • What’s she done?
      Well… Lets see… She’s put education for the Pakistani girl child at the forefront of the global de looming agenda!
      Which translates into official development aid being channeled into Pakistan.
      Aid which goes to people with the government getting little opportunity to play dirty with.
      The government spends 1% of GDP on education of which most does not go to schools or for education.
      Malala’s done that!

      • Aid that goes into government kitty and gets spend on the lavish life style of corrupt politicians who again are puppets of the west n secondly why give aid why not invest in pakistan

    • What did Rosa Parks do for Black Americans in USA except refuse to sit in the back seat of a public bus? Looks like a small step to you, but today – due to her courage and bravery a Black African is the President of the very country that refused basic human rights to people due to the colour of their skin a few decades ago. What Malala stands up for is quite similar. May seem like a small step to you but in reality it is a giant leap for womenfolk all over the world.

  10. no body cares , that much about malala , except for the socially retarded , social network’s mujahahideens , the topic of malala , has been discussed actually once or twice , in real life meetings with friends , colleagues etc in my case

  11. Very well written. The ignorant will create conspiracy theories to satisfy their insecurities. Malala gives me hope. Another hero in this crusade against utter era of “jahaliya” is her dad, Zia, who gave her the upbringing to be so strong. In my mind I sometimes compare her to prophet Muhammad, who vowed to enlighten the world at the cost of risking his own life. Good going kiddo, we love you.

  12. Wow, I am surprised at the strong language used, well if somebody doesn’t agree with your point of view then it’s jhalat , I guess we are still ages behind any civilized open minded discussion. Frankly I don’t buy the Malala and it’s not jhalat or jealousy , in time we will know the truth behind it all !

  13. I love the fact u laid out that Noble prize don’t mean a lot , but being the youngest of all times. Every one could connect with that.
    Malala winning Nobel prize or not is not gonna matter more. That kid is gonna go places and I pray unlike our leaders ( except a few) she use her voice for the one without voices and bring a positive change into their lives

  14. Malala Yusafzai is part of the pakistani youth and people shouldn’t feel left out. If circumstances have put her in the spotlight on the world stage, there was also Mukhtar Mai before. She was also resented in a similar manner but mostly by the bureaucracy at that time. Here she (Malala) was all along supported by the Government who facilitated her treatment and finances and provided a job to her father so that he could be close to her and well provided under the circumstances. After reading the article in NY Times, it seems apparent that she was pushed all along by her father, for her and his betterment. We shouldn’t grudge them for trying to better their lot.

  15. Pingback: Malala Yousafzai « Skeptical Science

  16. Too good!
    Malala is a hero! We need to end this Mullah culture from Pakistan!
    Many among the educated class support Taliban’s stance! WTH!

  17. Language seems to have such a huge role here, Gills. I wonder if its even possible to drive these points across in Urdu, since so many people seem to be failing at it. If this conversation could happen out in the open without something or someone exploding maybe there’d be fewer ostriches.

  18. To anyone saying that Abdul Sattar Eidi was a more suitable candidate for the award. I insist you nominate him next yearthen sponsor his nomination. That’s the procedure. Who deserves it or not is up to the jury. Go protest in Norway if you don’t like the decision. We can all thank you for it when he wins.
    Also you must realize you add fuel to the fire, there are already so many irrational conspiracy theorists, to add another negative perspective benefits no one, especially not our national image. If any of you dream of a brighter future for the children,especially the women, of Pakistan, this is a moment to celebrate.

  19. Malala is daughter of Pakistan and she represent the spirit of our nation. She stood against the tyrant Taliban and those dated cultural norms that do not want girls to get education. Salute to her courage..
    Dr. Saifullah, Islamabad, Pakistan

  20. So how about the U.K airlift some of these kids from yesterday and give them the top-notch medical care they deserve, courtesy of the NHS. Oh wait, they need an active functioning blog on BBC for that to happen? Hypocrites!

  21. I don’t get her i mean i understand the fact that she got shot and ever thin i felt sorry for her but this…. This has gone way to far!!! I just don’t get it why couldn’t the shooters kill her??? They are professionals after all they kill Millions of innocent Kids, moms, dads, sons, daughters, Sisters Brothers etc BUT no Malala just had to survive didn’t she??? I think she is a evil do-er….. Who doesn’t care about what happens to Pakistan she just wants Money and popularity I HATE HER she is a not the best….

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