Because we won’t be able to take it. We can barely take the nomination; if she were to actually be awarded the prize, some sort of bhook hartaal and tire burning and fatwa screaming would likely ensue. As a country, we fucking hate Malala Yousafzai.
In my misguided quest to let every voice be heard and attempt to engage whoever I’m talking to in civilized discourse – regardless of how unfortunate their beliefs may be – I’ve run into many a Malala hater from all walks of life. I’d say there are more people who hate Malala over here than Justin Bieber. That in itself points to how twisted things have gotten.
After all, she is a 16 year old CIA super-soldier, right? She hasn’t actually done anything for peace, it’s all one big drama, the whole shooting her in the face thing was staged by the CIA at the same Hollywood studio where the moon landing ‘happened’, she’s too young to be giving speeches in the UN and winning Nobel prizes, she’s Pakistani for fuck’s sake, nothing good ever happens to us. This is obviously some plan hatched by the West of which Malala is either an active evil 16 year old agent or an innocent 16 year old puppet.
But why would they do this?
Well it’s obvious, isn’t it. They want to control the Muslim masses, and the best way to do that is by controlling what our children are taught, and the first step to doing that is to create a champion from amongst us, someone they nominated and who will carry out their bidding, but someone who we can stand behind and support, a pawn in this cosmic game of crusader chess which the West plays against us fine Muslim people.
Okay, aside from the simple fact that it’ll be easier to pay some corrupt moustache than to groom teen champions, how about the work she did before being picked up by the foreigners? How about her slightly disfigured face after the shooting and therapy? How about the Taliban leader’s letter which is testament to their shooting her? How about the fact that she may finally be a voice of our own representing our interests, since God knows our ‘leaders’ have long since stopped representing anyone but themselves? Shouldn’t we at least give this kid a chance?
Nope. This is the era of Photoshop baby, anyone can be made to look disfigured. And why did she leave for England after being shot in the face, why didn’t she stay in her country if she loves it so much? And why her? Why not the hundreds of other kids who died in drone strikes? Why aren’t they being given Nobel prizes, why Malala?
What does one have to do with the other?
Infidel! Heathen! Bewakoof! <insert mother-sister curses here> ! RAWR!
And so it goes.
This is all too common, and if it weren’t so tragic it would be funny. Somehow a person sitting in District Upper Whogivesashit Pakistan has knowledge of the long term plans of the CIA. He has some manner of ESP or telepathy, he is fucking Morpheus, or of course the trusted mothers-sisters-bhateeja’s-in-law’s-cousin who works in the ISI has made him privy to certain information. Bottom line is Malala sucks. And sometimes they won’t even bother with backstory. Sometimes no justification is presented, except for emotion and emphasis as some clown says “I HATE Malala, fucking drama,” as he gobbles one more samosa and farts.
As with most things, it’s all in our heads. We’ve become so pessimistic as a people that the potential good of any event is drowned out in the concocted potential evils which could maybe ensue somewhere in the future. We’ve stopped trusting anything in an attempt to keep ourselves safe. Like ostrich-people, we burrow our heads that much deeper in the sand, not realizing that this makes our asses stick out that much higher in the air.
Okay fine, suppose there is a 5% chance that she is indeed a superspy. That still leaves a 95% chance that she isn’t. Shouldn’t we be focusing on that? Even if the percentages were reversed, shouldn’t we at least in part be focusing on the positives? This blanket baseless denigration, this maligning of her character and her motives without any sort of basis in reality helps no one.
But the simple truth is that we’ve come to see everyone on the planet as scumbags in what can best be described as good ol’ fashioned projection. Obviously Malala is trying to steal our cow. The alternative explanation; that a highly intelligent and gutsy little 15 year old Pathan girl stood up to the Taliban, was shot in the face for her troubles, survived, and now continues to fight the good fight while the rest of our sit around with our thumbs up our asses, just doesn’t jive, man. We believe that we suck in our heads. Any external evidence provided to the contrary, especially by the Fahaash, harami West, must be contrived. It can’t possibly be true; sitting around with our thumbs up our asses has simply gotten too comfortable.
I guess my main reason for not wanting you to win is selfish, Malala. Simply put, if you win, it’ll be conspiracy conversation galore for a spell, and I fear for my sanity. I guess I’m just not as strong as you, and it’s just a matter of time before I put a fist through some ostrichman’s face.
In seriousness though, if I can get past my issues, I hope you do win. The Nobel prize may not mean much anymore, yet having a Pakistani be the youngest winner ever will be awesome. Especially someone as amazing as you. But yours’ is a unique battle; you are going to try to save a people that don’t want to be saved, especially by you. You will face adversity the likes of which you haven’t seen before. Much like our other Nobel prize winner, you will be hated by millions. Because you are different, because you are better, because you rose above, you will be hated. But you are brave and wise beyond your years, beyond your people, beyond most people, and I have no doubt that you will find a way. I support you wholeheartedly kiddo, you are the first Pakistani in a while who has made me proud to belong to this land, and if that makes me a bewakoof chawwal burger insaan according to these clowns, I wear that mantle with pride.
God bless you Malala. You have the makings of a hardcore feminist, but I still love and support you.
[EDIT: Absolutely floored by the traction this post has gotten. Thank you. It seems that many people feel the same way – and that makes me hopeful. Much love, even to the ostriches out there.]