Why Hum TV Sucks

I hate Hum TV. In fact, even hate is a tepid word. I can’t stand Hum TV. If I become President it’s going to be removed from all cable provider listings and talking about it will be punishable by death. There will be no more Hum TV madness running through our households or polluting the airwaves. If you are a fan of said channel, this post will bother you. And that will actually make me happy.

But I have my reasons for hating it so. I was forced to endure two full days of Hum TV when I stayed over at my Nani’s, who is obsessed with those dramas. Like really truly obsessed. It was hard to get a word in edgewise. And when we did talk it was usually her explaining to me some utterly ridiculous story from some utterly ridiculous Hum TV soap opera.

“Haye ghareeb, she married this boy who was 8, and now he has grown up and he wants to divorce her.”

“Haye ghareeb, he is having an affair with his STUDENT who got serious about him and wants to marry him and yet still calls him Sir, and now her sister is hitting on him too, and he doesn’t know what to do.”

“Haye ghareeb, her mother died and her stepmother is a bitch and her father is a moron and let’s just sit here and watch how miserable her life is.”

“Haye ghareeb, <insert terribly tragic story arc here>”.

For two days.

And so here lies the cause of my hatred. If one were to look for lessons from the channel – which admittedly is tricky business in general as far as Television is concerned – then Hum TV’s underlying lesson for us all is this: life sucks ass. Deal with it.

Nothing good or positive ever happens on that fuckin’ channel. It’s just one sad story after another, one sad face after another, one conniving mother in law and chalaak wife and goofy husband after another, in different studio settings made to look like local homes, all to a soundtrack which sounds like the Grooveshark playlist a serial kitty killer would listen to as he murders kittens.

In two days of watching that nonsense, I only saw one person smile. And that was the generic bitchy mother in law’s Dick Dastardly smile, right before she hatched a scheme to fuck over her daughter in law once again. No one else. There was blanket misery upon every actor.

Look at those faces. The Joker really needs to help put a smile on their faces.

Look at them. The Joker really needs to help put smiles on their faces.

From an economic perspective, it stands to reason that TV Shows are written and aired based on viewership potential and customer demand. Which implies that this misery is on the menu because it’s what we are asking for. Which speaks volumes of the mentality of the average housewife, which is essentially a trickled-down version of the mentality of the nation.

Also, television programs, particularly soap operas, are meant as an escape from the humdrum of daily living for bored housewives as they go about their domestic days. International soaps therefore involve intriguing social dynamics, extramarital affairs, excessive drama, and attractive actors/actresses to create that very illusion. Which begs the question; exactly what the fuck is Hum TV selling to our poor housewives? That their lives are crap, but they should be glad they don’t have a mother-in-law like that creature on TV? Or a husband like that poker faced douchebag with the hairplugs? That it could always be worse?

Misery should never pass as entertainment. Having to tailor TV shows such that characters are put in absurdly depressing and sad situations just so we can feel better about ourselves, just because we canΒ relate, tells us that things are rather askew in our lives. To be fair, I don’t blame Hum TV for the depression and misery one sees around here, but I’m fairly certain that it augments that depression and misery to some extent, validates it, passes it off as nothing unusual. I need look no further for proof than my Grandma’s furrowed eyebrows and sad face and damp cheeks as she stares into that blaring pit of misery and stupidity and says “Haye ghareeb…”

Please Hum TV. I want my Nani back.


15 thoughts on “Why Hum TV Sucks

  1. Oh Noes. I want your nani to stay where she is, PHH is on its way πŸ˜›
    But i think you raise a very pertinent point. It’s about time Pakistani Dramas saw a complete overhaul in terms of genre and stories. Even the new turkish dramas are simply just shiny wrapping on an old package

  2. Very interesting. From a guy’s perspective watching urdu soaps (with or without a reason) & writing like this is ‘normal’. Well, I thank God I work almost all day hence never watched (nor have any desire, with or without reason haha) HUM networks/ channels ‘DRAMAS’ phew… however I actually sat down one sunday afternoon and watched this other very famous play of our very famous actor on same channel (as in the photo above) & the scene goes: haye ghareeb this poor girl marries this rich boy and they are taking ages to finish this meodramatic phone conversation (love-confession or even talking normal is a TABOO on our channels ugh)… next scene is another drag… I switched on to Nat Geo… watching ‘Taboo’ gave me an insight how interesting people are on the other parts of the world & their channels unbiased.
    Apologies for a complete irrelevant comment :))

  3. Reblogged this on http://officialwarranty.wordpress.com/
    Completely relate with your sentiments and the conclusions that your derived. Every time I sit and watch a drama on this channel, it does nothing but raise my temper. They only promote low self esteem and self respect without providing any entertainment whatsoever!

    • thanks for the reblog =) do yourself a favor and deprogram that channel from your telly. that’s what i plan to do to my grandmas tv

  4. I don’t remember watching a drama more than 5 min with full attention, however I can watch 5 documentaries from Nat Geo or History in a single stretch :)…to the complete disappointment of my wife

  5. Consider yourself lucky, losing your nani to Hum TV. Mine sits and passively knits while tuning into Geo. Volume on full blast, watching some class act give away babies. If there’s anything worse than mindless soaps, its the wretched theatrics of GEO

  6. I couldn’t agree more with all of you and i was so looking for a platform where i can vent my frustration,I regret to tell you guys that i am in my Fifty’s and a NANI as well .But not the Hum TV or a star plus kind ,So mind it my views are coming from a different perspective…I hate all the Pakistani channels…Period!!!! you wake up in the morning and all you see is those shitty Morning shows,they are a non stop MUJRA gIrls dancing like whores,String of models coming to display their fake lashes , hair extensions and none sense dresses religiously every day and those other fashion shows…I live in canada and due to some sickness not working for the last one year and temperature out side right now is – 35 …this is no justification for watching Pakistani channels though!! I am stuck with my Tv ..Even though i watch other English Channels like movie channels,News networks and documentaries ..I like to just randomly go through every channel and my knowledge is based on those breif moment…Plays are totally promoting illegitimate children..Abortions..Kala jadoo,bangali babas of all kinds..having an affair with your brother in law is a must thing…runaway brides..secret NIKAH even secretly pregnant..Killing your BAHOO with slow poison …Shit shit shit and endless shit!!!! In 70’s our Tv was a dignified institution which showed only the best but the best…My conclusion!!..Not only indian but all pakistani channels should be banned…A COOL NANI (According to my grand kids)

    • You did not have to narrate your lifestory naanu. We’ve read right through your text that casually flaunts your Canadian residence and your coolness πŸ˜€ hope that makes you feel good about yourself.

      • That was highly unnecessary on your part. Maybe you were just having a bad day/life? Hope you leave that bitterness behind some day. Love, COOL NAANI. πŸ™‚

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